Monday, November 07, 2005

My dad the writer

One of Dad's many talents was writing.
He had a crazy sense of humour and concocted the most hilarious stories. I will be posting most of them on this site.
As it was Diwali on Tuesday, here is a little piece that Dad wrote on Diwali:
(please dont be offended - this is not meant to be taken seriously!) :o)

Dear Ayurvedic students,

it is 11 o'clock at night and I realized that I have only just enough time to wish everyone
A HAPPY DIWALI AND SATVIC NEW YEAR

On this day we usually ponder a bit on why we are celebrating this day. This year we only have a few minutes on Diwali left, so here is a mini ponder:

Diwali is the day when Rama came back to Ayodhya after his gap year. He had taken the gap year before starting his job as king. He felt that it would be bad for his career if he took any time off once he actually started to rule. While he was away, Ayodhya was ruled by his SHOES. It is true. Bharat, Rama's half brother, put Rama's shoes on the throne and ruled in their name. So everything was done in the name of the shoes. The court cases went something like " The SHOES versus Babu the Butler" After a time, the population got fed up being ruled by a pair of shoes. That is why they celebrated when Rama came back.

Rama's gap year was extended a bit - to FOURTEEN YEARS. That was because he lost his wife. His wife Sita was carried off by a tall dark stranger after she had sent Rama off on a wild goose chase. This dark stranger (who was very fond of pretty women) carried Sita off in a flying chariot. She was quite enjoying the experience ( having never traveled by air before), when she realized that the dark stranger was actually a dastardly demon, and Rama was a very jealous husband. So she repelled the demon's advances - and quite advanced they were too. So Ravana the demon took Sita to his secret island hideout and decided to wear her down slowly - he had plenty of other women, so he could afford to wait a little.

Rama in the meantime couldn't find Sita anywhere. This was because there are no reliable maps in India and the locals delight in sending you in the wrong direction. Rama was getting desperate. He couldn't very well go back and admit he had lost his wife to a dastardly demon - bad career move. So he enlisted the help of a gang of monkeys, who promptly found Sita for him - thus proving that monkeys have more sense than men.
Rama asked for Sita back. Ravana refused, saying that he hadn't finished with her since he still hadn't had his way with her. Rama demanded that he be allowed to send in a team of inspectors to varify this claim. Ravana reluctantly agreed. Rama got coy - he said that Ravana would show the inspectors some other woman while hiding the true Sita deep inside his stronghold. Ravana protested his innocence - he said that he was just a peaceful man minding his own business. Rama said that he was a dastardly devil who possessed weapons of mass destruction and was a threat to world peace. Ravana replied that Rama was an expansionist bigot who had it in for the demon race and was using Sita as an excuse to wipe the demons from the face of the earth (This was actually true - Rama's true purpose WAS to erase the demon race from the face of the earth). Ravana challenged Rama to come and try - they would fight to the last demon.

Now Ravana was a very clever and learned demon. He had umpteen degrees and a whole alphabet of letters after his name. He had mastered many sciences and had many secret powers. He had TEN HEADS! Though WHY he had ten heads is beyond me ( I have trouble enough keeping one head straight).

A tremendous war ensued. Ravana used chemical weapons and killed a lot of monkeys. Rama use HIS weapons of mass destruction (which he had thoughtfully packed in his back-pack before leaving Ayodhya) and vapourised the island and all the demons, rescued Sita and brought her back to Ayodhya.

The citizens of Ayodhya celebrated by lighting lamps in all the houses - so pleased were they with the end of the rule of the shoes. The houses were built of highly combustible materials and half of Ayodhya was burnt to the ground - sending insurance premiums rocketing. Unscrupulous Indian shopkeepers sold fireworks to children under the age of sense (60) , resulting in a lot of burns which kept all the Ayurvedic physicians in Ayodhya busy for years. Some thought to make millions by giving bastis when none were indicated - hence the term "pipe dream"....but I digress again.Rama lived happily, for a while. Then he got a bit tired of Sita who was putting on a lot of weight - what with all those Indian sweets left over from diwali. So he kicked her out - siting a laundry man who had cast doubts on her purity. Sita protested that she hadn't given in to the demon


im afraid it stops there!!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Preet said...

HEy hey!
Thanks for checkin out my blog.
I'll def check out your blog.

PS i dont mind if u tell your friend about my blog. :o)

Angad Singh said...

Lol..amazing sense of humor..nice of u to put it up..

Guru Ang Sang!
Angad Singh!

Preet said...

hehe! Dad made everyone laugh with his crazy humour - that was one of his best talents!
One of his many talents! :o)